Lesson about the self

Sometimes i feel that being married very often tests one's humanistic, if you will, capabilities. through the emotional, mental, sometimes physical struggles and adjustments of living together, as a couple, as a family, as a unit within a unit within the frequently-overwhelminging plurality of community and society, one discovers many limitations in oneself, but as frequently, depending on our attitudes and practices, many positive traits. I have, in this short time, frequently battled my ego, my arrogance, my emotions, my rationality (or some would say, lack of it), my selfishness, my pride, my loneliness. And over the course of these small, childish struggles, which are bound to continue for sometime till the precedent for every single situation that can possibly occur is created, i am learning forbearance, tact, tolerance, positivity, maybe rationality, maybe learning to look at the bigger picture, who knows? It's not easy, but I try to have the right attitude and not construe everything as a personal attack, because it really isn't.

It's funny where epiphanies can come from, or the little lessons that we are just waiting for teh right source to come from. Our parents, abounding with oractical experience and wisdom, rarely attract our interest, as we deem them as unempathic beings, no matter how much they love us. Sometimes, its a sibling or a close friend, in my case, a DVD. A dear friend of mine burned me a copy of The Secret. It basically comprises a bunch of interviews with people from all over the world, who say that the secret to happiness and security (and this is one embedded in the essences of every holy text, self-help book, or success story) is simply that humans attract the things they think of, whatever it may be, In other words, think positive! Be grateful for what you have a be proactive in wanting things. Because that first positive mental step will take us on the path we want to go. Of course, we have to want whatever it is really badly.

So I tried it. Sure its hard. Its hard to wake up every morning and feel happy when you're really feeling grumpy and dont want to get out of bed. Its hard when youre feeling down, PMSy, discouraged by your situation. But i seriously discovered that only I have the power to turn my situation into one that makes me happy. There's a quote from Paul0o Coelho "When you want something with all your heart, the entire universe conspires in helping you achieve it." I know it sounds cheesy as hell and you want to vomit and everything, but the most beautiful and powerful things dont require a PhD or great welath to achieve. Beautiful things are so because they can be created or attained by anyone. As humans, we have tremendous capacity for beauty and nobility, but we just dont use it. Why? We get so hung up on stupid mundane hassles every moment of our lives. Im still one of them, and its such a waste! Getting mad only gives ME a headache. Why bother? I would rather fill each day with beautiful moments. And I am still far from attaining my goal, but i know the path i haveto take requires some amount of self control, but the reward is far greater than my risk. What am i risking losing? Some immature existential notions of who I am and my identity and blah blah? myself? How can i lose myself when I am here all along? I am evolving, changing, learning, loving. I would rather be in a world that is secure and happy within and without, than having to rant and rave and entertain people who think I now lack spirit with the scribblings of an egotistical girl who thought she was intelligent an dhad a lot of time on her hands! This girl has less time now, because she is busy trying to make herself happy! Ok, this is turning into a rant of another sort now, so I sall restrain myself ;)

But seriously, one thing that annoys me more now, though it did before, is this whole Western pop psychology crap inspired by Freud and taken to great levels by selfish assholes looking to milk money out of the ignorant populace, about how childhood experiences affect and traumatise all aspects of adulthood. God, get over yourselves already! Sure, I also used that excuse on my mom when I was being what i thought was a cool angsty teenager, about how Ill never forgive her for slapping me when I sucked at maths, and hse would just roll her eyes at me. And Im glad she did! We all need a good dose of common sense once in a while. The states have in part created a population of self-indulgent childish people who need to be spoonfed emotionally all the time. Grown adults dont need to be babied and told what to do, how to raise children by porfiteers and psychologists who treat their own children as experiments. Seriously! Anything can traumatise you if you let it, and on the other hand, nothing can if you dont! It's all about attitude.

Im glad i was raised the way i am, and I am grateful fellow Indians have the same general commonsensical values. When I think about all the angst my friends and I went through regarding our families and our roles in it all, I just wnat to laugh! There is no need for us to shoulder more responsibility than we have to! Im not out to change anyone, not my family, not my friends. In a situation, all I can do is change myself and my sttitude, however easy or hard it may be. And when one person starts making the effort, how can another not, however long it may take? and when they do, what a beautiful world this can be for all of us! Pay it forward. Seriously.