8 Things I want in a Lover
For those who are interested in the Wandering Weekly, the word for this week is Escape. Google it!
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I've been tagged by Karmic_Jay, as was Adrasteia, to write about 8 things I want in a lover.
Wow. This is a herculean task! There's been many a time where I, like most other women, have felt like Sage Nalayani in this respect, that there's no way one man could fulfil all our expectations! Well, one can only hope...
...
Argh! I don't even know where to begin!
Okay okay. Ummm, in no particular order
1. Intelligent, both academically and practically, ie. streetsmart, and hence a good conversationalist.
2. Should be able to make me laugh - through a quirky sense of humour, and even when I'm mad at him - though he should always get the point as well.
3. Must love me, and be committed to loving me and making our marriage work, and work smoothly and happily, for the rest of our lives (because the most victorious lovers are those who can be married forever!)
4. Should be open-minded, progressive, and understanding and sensitive about the concept of personal space - ie. we should have our independence, but not drift apart. Also he should not be possessive or suffocating beyond the point of the slightest whiff of mild irritation.
5. Should love experimenting with food (preferably vegetarian, but as long as he doesn't make me cook meat), travel, adventure, romance. Should enjoy little daily experiences.
6. Should be reasonable in fights. Should not hold grudges, rake up the past unnuecessarily, be violent, and should take turns talking. And never be too angry that the making up doesnt resolve the issue.
7. Should be creative and expressive. For eg. gifts shouldn't involve expensive shopping necessarily. Cards, picnics, surprise vacations, a walk along a beach at sunset, a poem, something handmade, and no arguments about the cost of everything is great.
8. Should be ambitious about his work and family life, but still honest and ethical.
and.... one for good luck! (bonus feature)
9. Should be tall and striking with a lean hard body.
Ahhh. That just flowed once it started! At least I dont have 57 things like BBCD!
I'm not tagging anyone except Angel, but you are all welcome to give your own inputs.
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Need to write on Holi soon! Tomorrow. And DYING to blog on Poona but waiting for pictures :(
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I drove from home till Bandra - Bandstand and Reclamation and back and didn't bang I'm so excited! Though I got a couple of dirty looks from some rickshawwallas - does that count? :D
posted by Princess Joya | 3:01 am
20 Comments:
That was nice and thank you for responding to being tagged. I liked #7 the most, a more practical approach to gift giving helps. I am lucky in that regard and others too.
Want to be tagged again? ;-) Nyah just kidding. But may be you could do a post on this? What do scents, sights and sounds trigger in you? Obviously memories both pleasant and unpleasant, can you talk about a few? I talk about mine here.
But a hat tip for this goes to these 3 lovely ladies, Enyur (who started it all), Chai Anyone and opinionated in jerzee who.
They are all fun reading!
Oops, there is no who in opinionated in jerzee. Typo on my part. I thought I previewed it before publich, oh well.. the link still works.
Looks like Makhtub, Karmic and Aranyi are all three not married. Your ideas of a lover/life partner are ideals, to say the least, and best of luck in meeting those ideals. I must say, that I am very happily married, although when I went into marriage I did not make any wish list. I just lucked out I guess. But for a guy to have a lean hard body and be 1-8 is close to impossible because guys with lean hard bodies maybe dogs wanting to rotate chicks. Its very hard to get all 8 or 9 things in your list. I think point 3 is the most important though:
3. Must love me, and be committed to loving me and making our marriage work, and work smoothly and happily, for the rest of our lives (because the most victorious lovers are those who can be married forever!)
Best of luck on finding point number 7 Aranyi.
7. Should be creative and expressive. For eg. gifts shouldn't involve expensive shopping necessarily. Cards, picnics, surprise vacations, a walk along a beach at sunset, a poem, something handmade, and no arguments about the cost of everything is great.
Guys who do point number 7 generally do so to woo girls over. After marriage forget about it.
All your points are relevant except for points 5, 7 and 9. Anyway, knowing you Aranyi, so far from your writing, you are gonna be a hard woman to satisfy because your standards are way too high, although I think you deserve a guy with these high standards.
LOL @CO saying I am not married. I am married. Also it's a list of what one would want or ideals as you put it. It does not mean one does not strive to meet them, also being open minded also means one is not blind to understanding that some of them will not be met.
I also think you are stereo typing men with lean hard bodies :-). No they don't all rotate chicks, some of them just do it to keep in shape.
Also what's wrong in looking good or wanting to?
I also know pot bellied fellows who want to rotate chicks it's just a man thing in this case. I am lean but not hard muscled ;-) I do it to keep in good shape. Some lifting and jogging can't hurt, also it helps me unwind too.
As for point 7, you are wrong about that. I did it when I was wooing *A* now that we are married I still do it, cos guess what it keeps it exciting. Surprise gifts always throw her, and she loves it.
Also what's wrong with experimenting with food? :-)
You know i used to hate eating eggplant (brinjals) before marraige. *A* know that I hated them, then one day she made them in a way I would not know what was in the dish and guess what I ate them and loved it. So hey a little experimentation never hurt. A lot of men and women like travel and adventure. I think it's very attainable.
I differ with CO here, I think Aranyi you will find what you look for or find what makes you happy.
I did not go looking for someone like that, while dating and getting to know *A* over a period of time, I found she embodied a lot of things I was looking for and vice versa, so IMHO it can happen..
So go for it Aranyi! :-)
lol whats wrong with having 57 things? hahahaha.. i could have added atleasta dozen more! =P
To Karmic:
Yes, guys with rock hard abs are great to look at and in the sack, but great sex don't maketh a great marriage. Yes, its very important. No girl would wanna make out for the rest of her life with a fat, smelly guy. But what if your Italian stud also satisfies five other women after he does you. The point I was trying to make is loyalty. Loyalty is paramount in a relationship, and as Tom Cruise said in the movie Jerry McGuire "I stick!!". Yes, Aranyi, you need a guy who is gonna be devoted and committed to you no matter what, and he would expect the same from you.
As for gifts and all, yes they are important because it shows you care and all that, but I would not consider that as something women should expect in the list, because after marriage you are more concerned about your children and want to save for them, unless of course you marry some real rich dude. Yeah, you don't wanna be with some miserly little guy who wants to scringe on everything.
Regarding foodie, if that's on your list, so be it and best of luck because most desi men (karmic being the exceptional few) would not know how to even spell baingan. But if he is, consider it a bonus.
As I said, happy looking Aranyi. One thing you forgot was to have someone who is honest, and shoots straight. In the long run, such men make better companions than the chuppa-rustoms. Also, you should have added hygienic to that list. I have seen many desi men who don't pee properly, have BO, and a lot of facial hair. As I said, good luck Aranyi with all the screening.
Hey guys,
If i really wanted, and didn't cheat, my list would be as long as BBCD's, and no, theres nothing wrong with having 57 items my dear! As long as your dream guy stays in your dreams!
CO, as soon as I left work, I remembered clean, good in bed, kind, loyal, practical. I know chances are I wont find such a guy. Most guys hate trying new things because they're too tired at the end of the day and just want to feel good with something they know. Faithful is a given in marriage, otherwise why would I even bother to marry?
At the end of the day, happiness is an attitude, and I would like to believe that in the long run, what I'll get is just what I was looking for and what I needed (though the prospects look pretty bleak now) :(.
And to agree with Karmic Jay, most of these qualities are based on a real person!
Draupadi of the Mahabharat
is a typical girl
who romanticised on the attributes
of her future husband/lover/boy friend.she worshiped a sage .the sage was happy by her seva and devotion and wanted to give her a boon.she asked for a lover who should be handsome,brave,wise,rich and grand in every respect.
the sage said 'Tasastu'
and reality is as these attributes cannot be found in one man,
Draupadi got 5 husbands who combinely had the attributes.
and the rest is mythology.
i wish Aranyi
to get 'only one lover'
having the said attributes.
bc Aranyi seems to be combining
a dozen qualities in her that a lover-boy seeks in a girl.amen
please spare me.
am a layman.
Thank you, anonymous!!!
Aru
Yes seems like it is impossible to find a man with all those qualities! And yes CO is right, everyone who is not in a relationship at the present has more ideally perfect qualities, we all know when u fall in love it just happens and their quirks seem more lovely than ever.For my list is somehwat like urs and i had not read ur post before
But hey that does not mean u cant have a list or cant hope or dream...
Yes 57 is also less i think i can make about 100 on w hat i want,8 is too less:(
WOW u drove,way to go girl, considering the traffic and sick rickshaw guys it is a big thingie...Aah dont mind their glares, they are the ones who dodge lanes and cut through anyways...I hate them:(
Where are the pics man...its a long wait...sigh
oh anon thanks for that info, i never knew that...Hmmm draupadi was lucky she found everyhting in 5 men, we wld probably require 1000 if we had to have that blessing now...Gosh some work it wld be then..lol
cheers
So...should we read into the Draupadi story the implicit admission that men are fractured, incomplete creatures?
"A woman's appetite is twice that of a man, her desire four times, her intelligence eight."
Just kidding. You wouldn't need 5 men for that list. Two might do the trick. Remember Valmont? "I shall marry one, and keep the other as my paramour."
"Two might do the trick. Remember Valmont? "I shall marry one, and keep the other as my paramour."
I am all up for that.
Erosopher, Who's Valmont again?
Kush, I bet you would!
Makhtub, Thanks! The list grows longer the more I think about it, because you can have no assumptions. But yeah, I do believe that when you meet someone, they may even be almost the exact opposite of everything you want, but they'll just, i dunno, fit.
PLus you know what they say.... never wish for something - you might just get it!
On Marriage from 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran.
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Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
Lovely isn't it? Seen his take on Love and children and pain and reason and passion and joy and sorrow and friendship?
Would you disagree, if I tell you that even you do get a guy with 'all' the things that you wanted in him, there is a good possibility of stuff not workin' out!?
Possibly. But then this is a wishlist. Read my first comment.
Hi Aranyi,
I too have listed 8 tings I want in my beloved in my blog. If you have time then you can visit my blog and read it. I would be happy then.
Hotwinter.
Valmont was one of the movies based on Les Liaisons Dangeureuses (improvised spelling). Colin Firth played the title character who takes his lover's bet that he can't seduce a virtuous girl (and he looks appropriately sleazy, nothing like our beloved Darcy). The line is the girl's response when someone asks her whether she would choose a rake over a respectable man.
It's one of my favorite scandalous cinematic moments. ;-)
Ahhhh Dangerous Liaisons! No wonder it sounded familiar. Glenn close and Michelle Pfeiffer... or was it Uma Thurman, and a very sleazy looking Marquis indeed. Quite a disturbing movie. But then, sex was never meant to be taken so seriously.
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