Men-->Women =*&^%$@!
I come from a lovely weekend in Pune with my faith in mankind bolstered by the lack of harassment (except for various stares and a couple of "ayy sexy!" comments from men on bicycles (no touching though), only to wake up to a couple of rather terrible news stories about men and their nafarious sexual activities. One is about Travis Frey, sent by email to me by Erosopher. He is a 33 year old man from Iowa who has been charged with pornographic exploitation of a minor, as well as kidnap and assault of his wife. More bizarre evidence against him has been found on this misogynistic marriage contract he asked his wife to sign, titled "Contract of Wifely Expectations", with specifications relating to sex, hygiene and sleepwear. Please read it to be repulsed.
With all this information Ive been exposed to regarding human nature of the male variety - all the articles Ive posted on my blog - the Maureen Dowd one, Memoirs of a Geisha, this odd man - all tacitly culturally accepted to some extent, leads me to infer that men really only want, as Jerry Hall so succinctly put it "A cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom". If you think about it, - and I'm playing the Devil's advocate here - what Frey desired from the application of his unfortunate contract, is probably what every man's fantasy is, and that what has caused so much uproar on the internet, is what would be condoned in various cultures - just not ever spoken about, or been as explicit as specifications on a piece of paper. Every man wants a clean-shaven woman who wont whine and complain, who will enact all his sexual fantasies - their personal porn star. Every man wants to be able to maintain an internal locus of control in his domestic life, since life at work is more predictable. It's just unfortunate that he got stuck marrying a live woman with a mind instead of a programmable robot.
Even in Memoirs of a Geisha - I kept wondering why men were so attracted to the geishas - and then it slowly struck me. They're trained to be surreal. I know nothing about Japanese culture - so I'll make my outsider anthropological hypothesis here - the white face, the elaborate hair and outfits and intensive classical training in music and dance, their delicacy and softness, in speech, tone, step - makes them unlike regular women. They are like nymphs - apsaras, houris, whatever you like. They can flatter, soothe, arouse. Men don't come to them for physical satisfaction, but because these are women untouched by the cares of reality, with soft hands that dont wash dishes and iron clothes, who dont have frown lines because of children and bill payment, who are never tired or disgruntled. They behave like mistresses, you could say, giving and receiving the perks of life without its downers. And they can become mistresses, sometimes. (Plus, you get to deflower one once in a while if you have the money). I heard that Japanese women encourage their husbands to go to geishas - have them come back refreshed I suppose.
Many women will tell their daughters many things - always be well-dressed and fresh when your husband comes home from work, always look good so you can 'hold' your husband, LEARN TO COOK, adjust, make sacrifices, give him a lot of love etc. etc. Do parents give advice to their sons too about women? Besides, "Do what you want, just dont get anyone pregnant?"
Yes, after a hard day at work, no one, man or woman, wants to come home to listen to nagging and noise of any sort. Everyone wants either a peaceful or a festive atmosphere to enliven their moods. Its just been assumed though that the woman will bear the brunt of the sacrifice to make her conjugal life as peaceful as possible, with the subtle pressure of that gun to her temple, that she's somehow inadequate if she cant make the marriage work. Like Ive said umpteen times before, boundaries have been blurred leading to confusion and discontent, on both sides. No woman, after a mentally gruelling day at work, can cook, clean, fold and arrange, AND then be sweet and have sex cheerfully, frequently. Hats off to the woman who can, and check out what she puts in her food.
The time has come for a little give and take thats all - on both parties' parts. Its a decision each individual couple needs to make. Its unreasonable to impose anything on anyone, least of all all of the time. Once again, anything goes - even if society raises its eyebrows or points fingers at it - as long as it doesnt affect anyone else's liberty, or takes encroaches upon anyone's free will. With freedom, comes power.With power, comes responsibility. With responsibility, comes more freedom, in some ways. A qualificative circle is formed that the unreasonable try to hinder. One that Frey tried to tamper with. See, he was well within his rights to write that contract , just as his wife was well within hers to choose whether or not she wanted to sign it. Yet, even if the contract had been signed, it was his responsibility as a husband to not take undue advantage of his rights to hurt or harm his wife in any way. But then again, if he wished only the best for his wife and himself and a mutually beneficial happy marriage, there would have been no need for that contract in the first place, would there? Nothing he had asked for was unreasonable in the absolute sense - all people who love each other try to please them in various ways. What was offensive was that he could even be under the delusion that love can be imposed - leave alone stipulated in such a chauvinistic manner - in a way which is at best tiresome and at worst extremely disrespectful. The fact that he felt the need to create such a contract means that he doubted his ability to be loved selflessly. And that he was selfish as hell.
Stupid, pitiful man.
*************************************************************************************
Other news: the rape of a 52 year old woman by the 27 year old Abhishek Kasliwal (S. Kumar heir and Neerja Birla's cousin). He picked her up around 2:30 am on Friday night near Regal at a bar where she worked, which he had patronised that night, offering to drop her to Bombay Central station, from where she would take a train to go home to Dombivli. Instead of doing so, he took her to his family's Sriram Mills compound, where he was let in by the watchman, where he raped and assaulted her and then dropped her back at Colaba at 7am. His dad says he has been framed (as will many men of this class) and of course, no one knows what to think. Some men think the woman is lying. (That makes me mad, though Im ambivalent as to whether she should have accepted his offer of a lift or not).
What I dont understand is why Abhishek, who is young, and I imagine fairly good looking because his parents and brother are, AND who is rich, would want to rape anyone, and an older woman at that. Im sure he can get any call girl or even regular girl to sleep with him with a bit of smoothness. Why rape? We tend to think that rape is the prerogative of the lower classes, or of politicians, who we take for granted are another race of humankind altogether, but when men who are educated, supposedly civilised and from a 'cultured' family are alleged to do this, one wonders if women anywhere are spared.
Ooh, now there's a new twist to the tale in just a few hours. One wonders if this is true or if there has been some big money involved somewhere. I'm not going to say more because I'm just disgusted. One is afraid of the notorious and dastardly activities young men are involved in before marriage, and one is afraid for one's health and well-being.
************************************************************************************
In other news: Don't play Holi in Versova as ruffians have been throwing water balloons at girls' private parts for the past week. Absolutely disgusting.
And my mother wonders why I'm in a bad mood?!
With all this information Ive been exposed to regarding human nature of the male variety - all the articles Ive posted on my blog - the Maureen Dowd one, Memoirs of a Geisha, this odd man - all tacitly culturally accepted to some extent, leads me to infer that men really only want, as Jerry Hall so succinctly put it "A cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom". If you think about it, - and I'm playing the Devil's advocate here - what Frey desired from the application of his unfortunate contract, is probably what every man's fantasy is, and that what has caused so much uproar on the internet, is what would be condoned in various cultures - just not ever spoken about, or been as explicit as specifications on a piece of paper. Every man wants a clean-shaven woman who wont whine and complain, who will enact all his sexual fantasies - their personal porn star. Every man wants to be able to maintain an internal locus of control in his domestic life, since life at work is more predictable. It's just unfortunate that he got stuck marrying a live woman with a mind instead of a programmable robot.
Even in Memoirs of a Geisha - I kept wondering why men were so attracted to the geishas - and then it slowly struck me. They're trained to be surreal. I know nothing about Japanese culture - so I'll make my outsider anthropological hypothesis here - the white face, the elaborate hair and outfits and intensive classical training in music and dance, their delicacy and softness, in speech, tone, step - makes them unlike regular women. They are like nymphs - apsaras, houris, whatever you like. They can flatter, soothe, arouse. Men don't come to them for physical satisfaction, but because these are women untouched by the cares of reality, with soft hands that dont wash dishes and iron clothes, who dont have frown lines because of children and bill payment, who are never tired or disgruntled. They behave like mistresses, you could say, giving and receiving the perks of life without its downers. And they can become mistresses, sometimes. (Plus, you get to deflower one once in a while if you have the money). I heard that Japanese women encourage their husbands to go to geishas - have them come back refreshed I suppose.
Many women will tell their daughters many things - always be well-dressed and fresh when your husband comes home from work, always look good so you can 'hold' your husband, LEARN TO COOK, adjust, make sacrifices, give him a lot of love etc. etc. Do parents give advice to their sons too about women? Besides, "Do what you want, just dont get anyone pregnant?"
Yes, after a hard day at work, no one, man or woman, wants to come home to listen to nagging and noise of any sort. Everyone wants either a peaceful or a festive atmosphere to enliven their moods. Its just been assumed though that the woman will bear the brunt of the sacrifice to make her conjugal life as peaceful as possible, with the subtle pressure of that gun to her temple, that she's somehow inadequate if she cant make the marriage work. Like Ive said umpteen times before, boundaries have been blurred leading to confusion and discontent, on both sides. No woman, after a mentally gruelling day at work, can cook, clean, fold and arrange, AND then be sweet and have sex cheerfully, frequently. Hats off to the woman who can, and check out what she puts in her food.
The time has come for a little give and take thats all - on both parties' parts. Its a decision each individual couple needs to make. Its unreasonable to impose anything on anyone, least of all all of the time. Once again, anything goes - even if society raises its eyebrows or points fingers at it - as long as it doesnt affect anyone else's liberty, or takes encroaches upon anyone's free will. With freedom, comes power.With power, comes responsibility. With responsibility, comes more freedom, in some ways. A qualificative circle is formed that the unreasonable try to hinder. One that Frey tried to tamper with. See, he was well within his rights to write that contract , just as his wife was well within hers to choose whether or not she wanted to sign it. Yet, even if the contract had been signed, it was his responsibility as a husband to not take undue advantage of his rights to hurt or harm his wife in any way. But then again, if he wished only the best for his wife and himself and a mutually beneficial happy marriage, there would have been no need for that contract in the first place, would there? Nothing he had asked for was unreasonable in the absolute sense - all people who love each other try to please them in various ways. What was offensive was that he could even be under the delusion that love can be imposed - leave alone stipulated in such a chauvinistic manner - in a way which is at best tiresome and at worst extremely disrespectful. The fact that he felt the need to create such a contract means that he doubted his ability to be loved selflessly. And that he was selfish as hell.
Stupid, pitiful man.
*************************************************************************************
Other news: the rape of a 52 year old woman by the 27 year old Abhishek Kasliwal (S. Kumar heir and Neerja Birla's cousin). He picked her up around 2:30 am on Friday night near Regal at a bar where she worked, which he had patronised that night, offering to drop her to Bombay Central station, from where she would take a train to go home to Dombivli. Instead of doing so, he took her to his family's Sriram Mills compound, where he was let in by the watchman, where he raped and assaulted her and then dropped her back at Colaba at 7am. His dad says he has been framed (as will many men of this class) and of course, no one knows what to think. Some men think the woman is lying. (That makes me mad, though Im ambivalent as to whether she should have accepted his offer of a lift or not).
What I dont understand is why Abhishek, who is young, and I imagine fairly good looking because his parents and brother are, AND who is rich, would want to rape anyone, and an older woman at that. Im sure he can get any call girl or even regular girl to sleep with him with a bit of smoothness. Why rape? We tend to think that rape is the prerogative of the lower classes, or of politicians, who we take for granted are another race of humankind altogether, but when men who are educated, supposedly civilised and from a 'cultured' family are alleged to do this, one wonders if women anywhere are spared.
Ooh, now there's a new twist to the tale in just a few hours. One wonders if this is true or if there has been some big money involved somewhere. I'm not going to say more because I'm just disgusted. One is afraid of the notorious and dastardly activities young men are involved in before marriage, and one is afraid for one's health and well-being.
************************************************************************************
In other news: Don't play Holi in Versova as ruffians have been throwing water balloons at girls' private parts for the past week. Absolutely disgusting.
And my mother wonders why I'm in a bad mood?!
posted by Princess Joya | 2:10 am
7 Comments:
I hear ya on this one. But I have to say not all men are bad, a lot of men do contribute equally to the relationship and consider themselves and their spouse to be equal partners.
At least that is how it works with us, we try to make everything a fun thing that we can both share in. It is a give and take, and we have figured out a way to make it work. Compromises have to be made all around and egos set aside and it's not always smooth but it works.
My point is there are couples out there like this.
As for the Holi thing, it's just wrong. I have disliked the festival ever since I saw how it is sometimes used as an excuse for sexual harassment.
That Abhishek story is shockingly disturbing. For the scion of a wealthy family to be involved in such a lowly act is shocking. But nothing passes my surprise these days. Wealth earned is generally frittered away by the time you reach generation number 3 or 4. Scions of such families who have sometimes grown up in an environment where they think they can have access to anything, would pull no stops at raping someone, even if its a 52 year old. Ugh!!!! They should clips Abhishek Kasliwal's balls off. That will teach him something....
Regarding Holi, I agree with Karmic. I never played in that stupid festival because of the whole touching bit, and the utter uselessness of it. To have your clothes and faces smeared to have it removed 5 days later. What a waste of time?
Great point about geishas! Until now, I failed to see their appeal, but I think you're right.
That marriage contract was an accident of surfing, but from now on I'm going to troll the Net for pieces to send you. Your thoughtful and *ahem* penetrating analyses always drive me to re-evaluate and refine my own.
More news about Abhishek: Now some friends of the victim claimed that Abhishek used to dope with them and that he and his friends have even engaged in homosexual activities with one of them. But no one in the building the victim claims to have lived knows her. Evidence is getting greyer. But dirtier. Who knows how it will turn out.
About Holi - I got put off it once people started using rotten tomatoes and overripe bananas. The waterballoons just HURT. But it's a really romantic and joyous festival if done right.
Its like tipping on the edge of a hill...life of a woman...if it is not the regular domestic harshness that swamp her life, it is the butchering experiences of getting hit on/raped outside in the open!!! I would not particularly single out the "Man or the Male species" as the sole responsible party for this problem...It is the society, the mother, the father, the teacher that instill and instigate such barbarianism in a Man. In Utopia, things like this would be viewed as a disease and there would be high alert and alarm among people and measures would be taken right away to wipe it out, more so now as it just seems to be happening more frequently these days like an epidemic!! Almost like a rape a day, if we really count it??
Aranyi, this is the first time I am reading your post and I got this message that your way of looking at the harassment of women matches with my outlook.
I too feel girls are no more safe as most of the boys have shifted to hooliganiam whenever they are in groups. Once they are in groups, they think they can conquer the whole world.
I feel angry for such mindless, shameless boys, though I myself am a boy but never liked such acts of boys. I feel really sad for the girls who have to bear these torments from such hooligans.
What I think is mob culture had grown among people and if not checked right now, things would be out of control and it would be really dangerous for our next generation girls.
Very true. Holi is a really romantic festival if played with the right person. Today itself two groups in our locality fought and shared angry words when drunk boys from one group passed lewd comments on girls of another group.
Hopefuldisposition and Hotwinter,
yes of course it has to do with society and it's outlook. But society is comprised of many individuals, and even one awakening can lead to gradual change so that a future would be very different to what it seems to be now. Dont be afraid of being individual in your thinking as long as you know that it's right - YOU will be the difference. As men, you have far greater power to change those around you, though its vested by society. Use it well!
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