Sartorial Propriety

A silly, superficial-seeming post, but concerning a question that can make or break an impression in certain circles, (and whatever our opinion of those circles may be, sometimes it is necessary for one to be in as many individuals' godo graces as possible). To an asocial, though freindly and eager-to-please social imbecile like me, it has always been a matter of the greatest concern to me as to the clothing required/appropriate for social occassions, whatever they may be.

I remember planning for weeks in advance what I would wear for the lunch after our last exams three times a year in senior school (6th std onwards). Yes, so infrequent were my permitted outings with friends that actually involved spending money or being somewhere other than someone's house. Those were memorable times indeed, and for at least a year sleeveless knotted jackets were all the rage - i had them in assorted materials, crepe, chiffon, cotton and even denim. Birthday parties didn't quite fit into this category of anticipation though.

Most of my time with my friends, even now, is at casual joints or at home - people and events that don't require dressing up. I come from a family culture in which fine dining is considered to be an event, and hence requires excessive attention to self-presentation. For someone who dislikes makeup, but who is expected to know how to use it skillfully, but is excited by matching accessories (to the very shade), this becomes somewhat tension-inducing. Meeting my friends hence requires the pposite kind of stress, namely "What is the oldest, rattiest thing I can wear that I will be comfortable in, and still be fit to be seen beyond the confines of the... say... cellar?"

But now, the stress spreads over a variety of occasions, and I am only hoping that it will lessen with experience and practice. Especially, now, that I am being invited on my own behalf, to parties, weddings, events etc., and not as a tag-along with my parents. Being left to my own judgment as to what my contemporaries wear to dinner parties for instance, is somewhat mindboggling to me. For instance, I consider any type of jeans informal, or semi-casual, certainly not semi-formal, no matter how expensive they are. I would wear them clubbing, or on a second date, certainly not on a first, and certainly not if I am going to someone's house for a dinner party for the first time. Of course, that is a norm that has been loosened greatly lately.

While one can get away with contemporaries, what does one do at formal occasions at which one may be potentially observed by the elders, at which an impression may be more crucial, and hence social success, more satisfactory, and social loss, more disgraceful? Such as a wedding or a death? In such a case, does one dress according to the occasion, according to the people present, or according to one's own 'status', however one chooses to define it?

At a wedding for instance, would you wear something heavier than the bride/groom simply because you could, even if it wasn't the heaviest outfit you had? Would you be concerned about appearing overdressed or underdressed? Or about fitting in with the general audience? Or would you choose your dressing based on your relation to the bride/groom?

Similarly, at a death/funeral/wake, it is customary for Hindus to wear white. Would you wear cotton, or silk just because you could afford tom with tonnes of embroidery? And multi-carated solitaires, simply because that was part of your daily attire? Or would you remove all your jewelry? Or would you wear some jewelry, simply because a woman is supposed to wear jewelry? Would you choose the material/emroidery/jewellery depending on the relation of the person to you?

What I find cruel is that women who don't wear their mangalsutras the whole year round, suddenly don them when they are going to give condolences. If you don't value this symbol of your being married the rest of the time, then why go rub it in the face of the widower/widow, who is often subjected to almost inhuman ceremonies like having her wedding bangles broken against a stone and the sindoor in her parting brushed off?

I don't see why deaths should be made a parade of the material/worldly wealth one possesses. The blatantly obscene displays at weddings are bad enough.

Any opinions?