Marriage Memories

Dear Ruchi,

You know, it just hit me yesterday, through a rather random and seemingly irrelevant sequence of events, that you're married. I left work later than usual, to go to aerobics and clear my head. The traffic was tremendous, so my driver went up to Peddar Road instead of hanginga round waiting for the kemps Corner turn, and slid down to Breach Candy. The traffic there also was choc-o-bloc, as my parents like to say! The minutes ticked by, without the traffic moving, and I watched class begin as the clock marched on. Warm-up ended and workout began and I was still stuck. The frustration of my having gobbled umpteen Pringles and chocolate Chip cookies, mingled with the apparent impossibility an outlet for the fat to melt, and I burst into silent tears. I realise that the traffic situation is outside my locus of control, and I half-heartedly berated myself for not leaving earlier, and despised my fear of my boss. It occured to me that now you were outside my control too... you would no longer be immediately available when I needed you. I brought out my phone to message you, but hesitated. I covered my face with a tissue and the beggar boy outside asked what was wrong. Shall I tell him that I feel all alone and yet risk the wrath of the others who love me? Shall I tell him I felt numb all along and now the dam has burst?

The past 3 weeks have passed in a blur... of things to do, people to meet, reunions of our group more frequent than theyve ever been I think. When else would I have the luck to meet all of you twice a week? To have us ask each other what we're doin over the weekend so we can be together? What else other than a wedding for one of us to realise we cherish each other, even though we fight about silly things? What else other than a stressful situation to have each of our idiosyncracies shine through? TJ's undeniable authority over bangles and clothing, my compulsive obssessiveness over time and getting work done, Madam's confused meandering over men? All our dancing skills :D

All that I have with me from the past weekend especially, are memories of you, presented in sparkling facets I never had the chance to see before. There are a few images of you that will always stand out in my mind when I think about not just your wedding, but the contradictions that you, and indee, all of us, are bundles of.

We were eating dinner at your sangeet. All of us, at the far end, and you were standing with us. Your 'to-be', your MISTER, (my god!), came over to call you to meet someone. And you turned immediately, without any fuss, and allowed yourself to be led by the hand. I watched you walk, stepping with a light bounce, leaning slightly back, and you resembled a doll, more than anything else. Or a child There seemed to be willingness and good nature in every pore of your being. The way you walk had never been so conspicuous to me before. Maybe I just never noticed. I mentioned it to Madam, and she said that you glide.

Your dance at the sangeet, how can I forget to mention it? Naina Milaike... you looked straight at the camera, you were confident, with a quiet, contained, graceful sensuality. The same occurred at your wedding, during that ridiculous obligatory portrait session these cheesy semi-rural photographers who hope to capture the dreams and aura of women on a mediocre roll of film to be displayed in an album that belongs to a family that are still near-strangers to us. You refused to act coy, you looked straight at the camera. You were stunning. Your easy charm and rapport with your husband during the session at the reception, your laughter and your warm smile, the way you had him hold your hands. It didn't seem as though you had only known him for less than a month!

I have never felt so wanted, so important, so cared for at a wedding before. I feel out of place among my own people sometimes. But in yours, I felt as though I was helping, that my presence mattered. You were joking in your pithi, at your pooja, and it was amazing because my family frowns upon those who dare to enjoy the ceremonies they participate in. Co-ordinating outfits, making my first bangle set, opening and shutting successfully a stubborn cupboard, buying you condoms (this merits a post!!!), giggling with you over your lingerie presents, figuring out songs, dances, timings. I've never eaten such fabulous Jain food as at your wedding. Go Lakhani Caterers! I usually run FAR away from the Jain counter at other weddings. My god the paneer lifafa's tangy spice contrasting with the creamy coolness of curd dip! Those Capsicum Rings!!!!! The ravioli and mexican salad! That chili paneer at Veg World at Phoenix Mills! Ooooooh! As you can tell, your wedding has gifted me a kaleidoscope of colourful memories, echoing with the shouts of once more for our dances!

It just felt great to finally be there for you. At your house at 9am for mehndi, at your house TILL 1am practicing, perfecting... the first time we met him, my pulling him out into the light so I could look him up and down and say I approve... his playful winks and the way you hold onto his forearms and cuddle into his chest, the way you're coy and subdued around him like you've never been before. Your pre-wedding jitters, the craziness in organising an event of a lifetime in 2 weeks, your crying over the unfair fate of a girl to leave everything she knows for another person, that everyone was so busy packing and working that no one had the time to share the sentiment that you were leaving forever. That the morning you left for the temple before all the little ceremonies before a wedding was the last time you would see home. As a single girl. You didn't cry at your vidaai. Instead, you were comforting your mother, who has sacrificed a daughter, her love, her wishes for you and herself, to give you away to a foreign person, family, home, land. As all our mothers will one day. And for all our feminist chest-thumping, we won't stop them. Because we just want to be loved too. And we're all hoping we'll have a happy ending.

The only time i started crying before your wedding was when you said thank you. I cant believe it. I mean it felt good, but also insulting. I'm glad you have an occasion to thank me, because that means I was of some use! And I need to feel like more than a wallflower sometimes, though Im sorry I was so stressed out that I didn't help more. Though I dont really want to help you pack.

We've already decided what we're giving you. But Mehul won't get shit. He already has our most precious possession.