My Birthday

This year, Im 24. Isnt that odd? Two dozen years old. Almost quarter of a century. In the last year of Brahmacharya (celibate student life) actually - haha! Its quite deliciously ironic really - that Ill be getting married and assuming the life of a 'householder' (grihasthashrama) next year.

I wish I had some major lessons I learnt this year. It's been bittersweet, like the last, but less - I dont know - inspiring. Less hopeful. Ive been through so much more, in terms of relational intensity and misunderstandings, family politics and conflict, felt so strongly every type of human emotion, learnt such disheartening things about the human race in general - men and women and their relationship to each other -now I realise what my mom and bhabhis always say about life being tough and how it only gets harder.

There's just TOO much to juggle. Being a woman, Im expected to be more sensitive, more conservative, more modest and softspoken, more aware of social norms etc, and yet be tactful and get my work done without looking like Im making any effort. Im supposed to always be presentable but at the same time always available for any errands. Its hard. Ive never been around other girls that much. My girlfriends have always been tomboys or bookworms, and out of the box to some degree. A lot of my recreational hanging out (clubbing, movies etc.) was done with me being the only girl among a group of guys and even though I can be quite deliciously feminine if I want, I never considered that side of me to be of any importance. So I talked the way they talked, had the same views on relationships they had. It never occurred to me that there was necessarily a difference between the way boys and girls of a certain age thought - I always thought the standards were the same till marriage - that women should deserve at least that level of equality because things seem change so drastically after marriage and women become straight--streaked-haired, bored-looking creatures in shapeless kurtis and lipstick.

It's ironic, really, how I know more about guys now that Im engaged rather than when I was single and really needed the knowledge. Now that I have learnt my lessons the hard way, Im just so suspicious of guys and so disgusted with this hunter-quarry game that men and women play. You can connive and lure someone only so much; ultimately your real personality shines through and THAT makes all the difference. If there is no mental/spiritual union what difference does all that oodles of physical chemistry make? That is just an illusion. It's just so stupid and such a waste of time! I mean, whether you're being chased or already in a relationship, the fact that you are so attracted to a person and he/she attracted back means you will take care of your appearance and behaviour regardless! Now, Im so suspicious of guys and the implications of being seen alone with them - people miunderstand so quickly and gossip is just the most evil thing on the planet. Even the way single guys talk about women, even if they have been my friends through school, just seems so tasteless. I just cannot stand the hypocrisy that women are not supposed to treat men as objects of lust and men can. When women turn the tables, it has the men up in arms, competing to point fingers at the 'whore'. I just dont understand how it makes them look good or better people. It just confirms what our mothers and grandmothers have been saying since the days of old - and we think we know more every generation just because access to them has become easier than it was. We think they've changed simply because the woman and her body isnt a rare commodity anymore. We've been wrong. Its only made that woman who hides herself that much more valuable to men. And it's really twisted logic in a lot of ways.

Yes, the rapid spread of STDs is a terrible side effect of all this newfound contact among men and women, and every progressive step does have its price. And we seriously wonder if this so-called 'progress' was worth the pain and suffering it has caused in our bodies and minds. There is so much general mindlessness in our contact with each other, so much emptiness, in casual physical and mental relations. What has it really won for us women? A transient sense of liberation, some illusion that we were breaking down our personal institutional barriers by crossing the sexual no-woman's-land? When we are entrapped further when we try to slip back into the traditional tracks of a 'normal' marriage because we all - men and women - just really want something that belongs to us alone, and for women its their virginity to give to whom they please - and for men it's their wives, to belong to them and them alone, when neither realise that the past never matters, only the future does, and every moment shared together is a promise renewed?

I spent my birthday in Calcutta, ordering my wedding clothes. I thought it would be the happiest day of my life, the day that was the fruition of my childhood dreams, the plans we had excitedly discussed - the colours we would wear, the decorations we would have, the songs we would dance on, our wedding sari - it was always a sari, and Gujarati red, white and gold paanetar. The day we would truly become women in the eyes of the world. Of course, it was arbitrarily decided that I would not wear a sari (grievance number 1), that my lehenga base would be red (grievance no. 2 - I wanted white). Moreover, I was taught rather violently that my life never was, and never will be my own. I am nothing but a representative of two families, and that every stupid word or action is fodder for gossip. I am absolutely disgusted with the idle human mind.

The exciting thing about Calcutta though was that this time we got to go inside the Victoria Memorial, had did more awesome shopping, found 85 Lansdowne (Calcutta's Ensemble), and had tea at Flury's!

The Victoria Memorial

The official website of the Victoria Memorial

Isnt it GORGEOUS???? It is surrounded by a massive park and has dancing fountains at night. (Assorted people tell me that mostly couples hang out on the benches scattered around the park and indulge in canoodling they find rather disgusting - apparently its the one moral-police safe place in Cal. Wish Bombay had places like that). They charge around Rs. 10 for Indians and Rs. 150 for foreigners can you beat that?!?!! I went with my mom and sister and the guy charged them Rs. 10 and looked at me suspiciously and my mom said in Hindi that I was her daughter! Anyway they didnt insist otherwise thank God or it would have been embarassing. The pathway leading from the gate to the memorial comprises a footpath and a road of rather uncomfortably angled cobblestones. We were simply baking in the 2-minute walk from the gate to the memorial, which comprises a fascinatingly informative museum. There was an exhibit of the sketches and paintings of the Hon. Emily Dunn or somehing like that, sister of some Lord Dunn or some such name who was Viceroy or Director General of East India Company or something like that, enabling them to travel extensively through India and come across a fascinating variety pf people in a land that was so much more segregated in terms of features and dress than it is now! And what solid advantage she took of the situation boss! (not in that way you perv!) She has sketched practically every person she came across - Pathan soldiers, Afghan sepoys and Kabuliwallahs, Rajput sepoys, peons, servants, Gurkhas, Marathas, her ayah, a 10-year old Muslim girl soon to be married and confined to purdah, Tibetans, highland women from Dehra Dun ... the men all have different turbans and moustaches and the women different types of headgear and ornaments! (Ok, i know, nothing so epiphanous baout this, but the details are fascinating!). There are all sorts of landscape paintings and portraits of Maharajas by Europeans, so pretty - rivers, castle ruins, temples. Also assorted weaponry, Urdu scripts, the history of Calcutta from 1690 or so till the 20th century, including the building of the Hooghly/Howrah bridges, a reconstruction of a gully in Calcutta, Tagore's Nobel Prize, the statement somewhere (which my mom and sister read and were surprised I missed) about the looseness of the morals of Bengali men. Anyone care to confirm or deny?!

The ceiling is soo high! And there are all these freizes (is that teh right word?) along the walls at the top and the high domed ceiling. Very very pretty. Worth visiting.

Haan, so 85 Lansdowne, which we went to next, is on the erstwhile Lansdowne Road or Sharat Bose Road. It's basically a big bungalow with different rooms rented to different designers - the hallway serving as a showcase for the unveiling of a designer's new collection - it features Kiran Uttam Ghosh, Rohit Gandhi-Rahul Khanna, Nisha Beri, Sabyasachi, Manish Arora, Shantanu Goenka, some Anamika Khanna, Raghuvendra Rathore, and one-two others. A nice concept.

And lastly, before we left for the airport, a whirlwind visit to Flury's. Best-known for its breakfasts, especially its beans on toast, and Viennese coffee, it was mentioned in Parineeta and Ive been longing to go ever since! Its a lovely pastry shop with fairy candle chandeliers (see below!) and waiters in brown trousers and aprons with a pink ribbon - so cute! and a massive multiple-tiered cake in brown and pink with a bride and groom on top! We had a pastry there (ok), a hot chocolate (nice) and corn on toast (basically a can of creamed corn on a soggy toast - needs lots of seasoning and sauce). Definitely one of the places to see some cool people in Calcutta, also the pastry counter does feature a delectable range of pastries, dry cakes, bread and nuts. The best food is still in any of the restaurants in Taj Bengal, I think, though you should try Gangaur's kachoris on Russell Street just a little away from Park Street where Flury's is, and the muri right opposite, where they sell the rice by the kilo.

Flury's pastry counter - as soon as you enter.

The Flurys website.

Definitely an interesting trip. I still have the Glass Palace left to see, a private home with an enviable collection of art, silver and crystal apparently, and the Writers district, and Im set. Oh, an awesome place for saris is Gaurisaria in Shakespeare Sarani, selling everything from dhakai cottons to kotas to Satya Paul. Really nice, and the salesmen there are superb - they can tell what you want after a few saris, leaving you thoroughly confused! We always pick up lots from there! They have garish Chandralok type stuff also, and local designer ripoffs, its quite hilarious, and well-done.

Well, I hope this coming year is better than the last. Not to mention more organised, peaceful and content.