Book Review: Man and Wife

Yup - so Ive only been reading the past couple of weeks, what with the Kite Runner, A Fine Balance and this one by Tony Parsons back to back. It was an interesting, although slightly disconcerting break from the relatively highbrow, politically and sociologically involved fiction that the previous two are.

The protagonist is a TV producer who just got married a second time. He must now deal with the assorted drama that comes with his son living with his ex-wife and her new husband, dealing with his current wife's daughter and her adoration of her biological father who is getting married a second time (i think) also, all the complications that suddenly enter relationships. Of course, then HE gets attracted to someone else as he suspects his wife is.. his TV show falls apart, his widowed mom gets cancer, his ex-wife breaks up with her husband, his wife is about to move out, and he has made his life a mess because he is constantly seeking reassurance, looking for something he cant get without wanting to make the requisite effort.

Because its a man's point of view, its an interesting view into a man's mind, the assumption that if a woman marries, she is not doing it for companionship, but to propogate the human race. Not a new discovery, but men seem to want to have children with women they love, and assume it is the same with women (hmmm, sounded a lot more profound in my head). This particular man seems to think that women should only work because they have to, and not from anything other than a financial need. basically, when men marry, they do so for comfort and security, which is what women do also, but their ideas of providing that are not necessarily the same way. Where companionship and the ability to be there for each other at the time one needs the other is the key, other 'duties and responsibilities' come in and complicate the equation in the form of segregated tasks.

The book also provides a nice peek into life in mid-century lower-middle-class England, where traditional gender roles provided a safety net for the individuals concerned and that love was made and maintained. And this man from a Western, supposedly liberated country publishes this book in 2002, and it shows how little has changed, despite the superficial freedoms we women may have earned. Sure, we got the right to education, the right to own property, assorted other legal rights, but then what? We got the right to choose, given the right socio-economic position, whether we want to get married or not. Yes, but to a great degree, women still earn less than men. Whatever 'equality' there may be out there, it is consistently more difficult for a woman to be a good mother and a good worker (particularly if she is n a competitive environment) and do justice to both. In marriage though, not much has changed. The woman is still expected to bear the brunt of the housework, cooking, childcare, and accomodation to the man's needs. It makes me wonder that the segregation of duties in marriage was there in the first place for a reason, and its an immensely convenient and satisfying system PROVIDED one is happy with one's lot - that a woman is happy and fulfilled being a homemaker and a man, the breadwinner, or the other way round. The twain are difficult to meet in the modern day world.

Basically, marriage, whatever the setup is - and maybe its best to negotiate it with one's partner (ideally without the interference of in-laws, which in India, at least is inevitable) - needs tolerance, patience, hard work, a long-term thought process. And i think I would tell this to my kids - that they have a right to not get married if they so desire, but they also have a duty to make it work when they do. I think thats fair. But my mom also says that the older one is when one marries, the more independent and less tolerant one is. Catch 22 AGAIN.

All in all, going BACk to the book, its pleasant, chatty, and offers a sypathetic view to the dilemmas of what he calls blended families. Makes one almost want to make do with what one has and not deal with all those 'ex' complications!

Conclusion: A nice. realistic, jolt-into-reality read about marriage.