Bad Sleep = Monday Morning Blues!

More on the title coming up soon. But to address a topic that forms a MAJOR part of all girls' lives - at least at some point in it (after which they either give up, act all independent but secretly lie in wait hoping, or marry them and once the point of their lives is accomplished, to stop trying to figure them out and move on to more important things, like deciding what's for dinner! Actually, that forms a major part of my decision process for the day even now!) Xiaxue has a fabulous entry about why girls are so easy to walk all over here. I really hope this doesn't degenerate into a bitching-and-bashing entry because I really don't hate guys - they are really quite fun and I have an excellent relationship with them when I am not interested in them. (Also when they are not interested in me, because once they start to like me I go WHOA and back off 10 steps and that messes up even the friendship equations). So let me add ladies: DO NOT GO OUT WITH A GUY FRIEND UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO MARRY THEM. Otherwise be prepared for a horrible end to a great friendship.

What I cant deal with - and never have been able to - is the level of hypocrisy that frequently exists in male-female romantic liaisons. I especially hate the whole bullshit that when a guy has a girlfriend he wants her to be sexy and hot and drink and go out a lot, but when he wants a wife, he will reject someone like that and go for someone sweet, naive and stupid looking, who has terrible dressing sense (besides the fact that she should completely cover up) and not drink or have opinions (even if she works). What's up with that? First of all I am pretty sure that this judgement is pretty one-sided and is based on the context of the situation. Chances are that you have only gone out with your sexy girlfriend to clubs or fun/youth events, in which she would be likely to dress trendily and drink. Chances are you have only hung out with peers, in which she would be likely to express her opinions. And why not? Girls these days have equal education and levels of work experience, and a different level of worldly experience in the form of eve-teasing, the daily little sexual harassment annoyances that guys will never understand. These sexy girls refuse to comply by the norms of male chauvinism and voyeurism. For this they are to be punished - for the defiance of some unspoken male norm? If you take a 'nice' girl out to dinner, intending to check her out for marriage - probably introduced by your parents, of course she is going to make a show for you! If you take her for coffee, she is not likely to order a martini is she? If you make her meet her mom, of course she is going to wear conservative clothing and touch her feet and talk bullshit about her tea-making abilities or lack of them! But that doesn't mean that your sexy friend cannot do all that or doesn't LIKE to do all that! If a girl is going out with you at all, there is a VERY HIGH CHANCE that she LIKES you, whether she is sleeping with you or not, and will want to please you and your family! She just hasn't been given a chance! It's the guys who can separate sex from love. No matter how hard girls try, their emotions eventually catch up with them, making them the losers in every way, not even able to salvage their 'self respect', not to mention faith in the opposite sex.

When I was 17 and at a girlfriends get-together, one of the girls said that in the arranged marriage setup in her community, the boy's parents ask the friends of the girl in question whether she is a nice girl. And the girls will say "No aunty she is a very fast girl" is they think so! WHAT THE HELL? First of all, what sort of a friend is that? And second of all, everyone deserves a chance! For all you know, that guy and girl would make a perfect match! The guy may be a philandering asshole who has slept with the city's girls and their mothers! Just because he's loaded/hot/has a cushy job, are you going to let him think he owns the world? The only difference between a 'good' girl and a 'bad' girl is that the good girl will not tell you what she has done! The poor 'bad' girl gets rejected, though her qualifications, personality and character may actually be a whole lot higher-class than the guy simply because she is honest!

I read in an article in Times of India sometime in the last couple of months - I'm trying to look for the link, but basically it was how guys use girls even in the arranged marriage setup. Rather than taking the effort to go out and meet single girls for flings, they get their parents to find them girls. Of course their parents will find them the prettiest, best educated, richest girls they can manage blah blah. All these guys have to do is take these girls out, sweet-talk them, get them into bed with promises of marriages and pretenses about their intentions, and then have their parents tell the girls' parents that the horoscopes don't match or some shit like that. Maybe the girl is naive; usually she's eager to please and willing to trust - because face it, she would like to know the guy as fast as possible and as much as possible, and is willing to work with him in the way he is most comfortable, DESPITE THE FACT that she may have her doubts. Psychologists mention that this is detrimental for the institution of marriage in general, because girls in such a situation tend to let down their guard, given that they assume that this is a 'nice' guy because their parents have shown him to them. I was horrified, and more so, because like Page 3, the movie, it's all true. Its not something that you only hear about or read about, happening to some rich socialites or slum dwellers - its affecting the middle classes and your own friends or relatives.

I think its a mark of society's depravity. I just cant believe the lack of ETHICS. One should have the same standard for everyone or not have it at all. How can you sow your wild oats throughout college and then expect to marry a virgin who prays all day long? (Im enjoying the irony in this situation - the guys should be PRAYING to marry a virgin who prays for THEM and HERSELF all day long because God knows what diseases he's been exposed to.) What makes a guy think he deserves that? And face it, if you are attracted to a certain type of person, whether you are a guy or girl, you will be attracted to that type all your life. So if you are attracted to someone who is sexy and funky but marry someone who is not sexy and funky and all that, chances are you will cheat on your partner with someone sexy and funky. Does your partner deserve that? Chances are she has waited all her life for her wonderful knight in shining armor, only to marry a jaded has-been? Come on!

Jerry Hall had once written that the kind of wife all men want is one who can be a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom. If that's all men want, how do the looks of the woman matter! I'm sorry, I'm still shaking my head in disbelief at the whole issue and am speechless though if I sit for long enough to organise my thoughts, I will have a lot more to say!

Many knowledgeable women in my acquaintance, in fact many MOTHERS, have told their daughters that men are afraid of women who come across as too independent, aggressive, confident or simply sexual. This is because they don't have enough confidence in themselves to believe that such a girl would ever be happy with them. Hence they reject her with/without using her, before they get rejected (they think) themselves. No wonder the most beautiful women are the most insecure, and who will frequently go for any loser who shows them a bit of attention till they realise they deserve better! They are the ones in the group who are statistically never asked to dance by the group of guys hitting on their friends. Sad, isnt it? Now you know why all the average looking people in the world have partners!

Fine, have all the flings you want, but make it clear. Dont look at your friend/girlfriend differently JUST because you have to see her in a different light. I HATE HYPOCRITES AND LIARS.

DTE bring sto us some sad truths that every mother tries to tell her daughter but which every daughter believes isnt the case in her generation, until she finds out otherwise.
For other girls' horror stories, here is a link to Tara's experiences.
Some single person called Zaki shares his/her rather realistic views on marriage.

Geogette Heyer said in The Grand Sophy that reformed rakes make the best husbands. I don't know if that is true. But lets give the reformed flirts a chance too!

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So yes, I slept badly because I had horrible dreams. The kind that wouldn't let you fully awake from them though you wanted to, though you tossed and turned and attained enough consciousness to begin to pray for them to go away but sank into those monsters again? The kind that make you feel you've been mentally brutalised? So that you only want to brood and mope all morning with half-open eyes enclosed by greeny-black rims and don't even have the energy to snap at your family's concerned questions? Yup. But I feel slightly perkier though a bit exhausted by this entry! If unburdening one's thoughts on type is exhausting, imagine how traumatic the experiences must be for women especially! Mental rape. No other phrase to describe it. I can safely promise more on that in the future.

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Almost done with the Interpreter of Maladies. Its filled to the BRIM with irony. That makes them sad. Life's a bitch for everyone at the worst point, isnt it? ARGH. Here's what Yale Professor William Deresiewicz has to say about it: "Interpreter of Maladies… exhibit[s] a high degree of competence, but it’s the kind of competence that makes you want to call for the abolition of writing programsIt’s the kind of competence that makes you want to abolish writing programs… The pieces in Interpreter of Maladies are crafted—no, machine-tooled—to within a millimeter of their tiny, calculating lives; their writing-handbook devices—the inciting event, the governing symbol, the wry turn, the final epiphany—arrive one after another, exactly on time, with the subtlety of a pit bull and the spontaneity of a digital clock".

I'd sorta agree. Read the comments in the link if you have the patience. Few of them really touched me - I really did feel detached, as if I were a direct observer, but looking at their world through a weed-infused haze. I could definitely pick out some characters I know, and only the last paragraph on the last page of the last chapter was at all hopeful. Mr. Kapasi from the title story is your typical Indian small-towner, who can conjure love out of a brief fantasy - I suppose the reason marriages can last here - we're all heavily influenced by Oriental (East of the West!) love stories and Bollywood. The editing can be a bit rough - grahamflour instead of gramflour annoyed me. It's worth reading, simply to debate about. Somehow, Anjana Appachana's and Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni's characters are more realistic - which renders them in some ways more identifiable, and hence, more memorable.