Reason for Being

So the point of this post is to explain to you, and to clarify for myself, the reason I FINALLY decided to start my own blog after following others' for months.

Ever since I was a child, I had nurtured this ideal of changing the world. I think (or rather, I hope!) all of us have cherished this notion at some point in our lives. I never thought id actually be able to do anything worthwhile, and that no matter what my dreams were, id end up married with kids and just doing family stuff that women all over the world do. But you know what, that hasn't happened yet, and while I had my moments of regret, I'm really glad I'm single and working and able to think for myself and nurture my own opinions! And I have finally realised that I don't need someone to support me or need me. This realization has made me feel so incredibly light and free that I'm finally able to do the things I want, that make ME happy. This includes a newfound devotion to dance and energy to actually read in the evenings after work before bed, rather than staring mindlessly at so many standard-model gyrating bodies on Channel V.

There was a time I wanted to work at the grassroots of society, help kids who needed help, be in direct touch with those who were victimised by social forces. And I still do at some point in my life. As of now, I don't have the time or energy. I have a fulltime job and then I need my time to exercise/dance and clear my head of the worries of the day and focus on the transcendental.

This blog helps me do that mentally as well (I hope so anyway!). Thus this blog will serve not only to record my opinions on the more global phenomena that have hegemonically shaped our thinking from the beginning of time, but by my noting down of interesting daily occurrences and observations of those around me, will also serve to demonstrate the social forces at work daily, shaping my life (and ours collectively) both as individuals and as anonymous parts of a larger societal ocean. As a member of society (however unwilling occasionally!), I am a victim, but I also have the power to be a shaper, if only I am dogged and persistent and sincerely believe I have something novel and meritorious to offer.

They say the pen is mightier than the sword. However, the sword can cut down those who wield the pen. Freedom of speech has been suppressed in many parts of the world. Emergencies have been declared by the official powers that be. So much of what is right and what is a fact has been politely covered by the superficial norms of political correctness or simply the lack of desire or interest (or maybe the fear?) to know what really goes on in the mind under the veil, behind the blinds of those uniform suburban house paraded neatly behind their trimmed lawns, behind the glasses of the nerd, under the belt of the executive, the politician, the doctor, the lawyer, beneath the soil of the farmers, the editing of the media, the makeup of the socialites, the grades of the students.

Hence the 'one voice, many worlds'. All of us inhabit and perform various roles. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a player, a dreamer, a businesswoman, a dancer, a reader, an observer, an absorber, a naysayer, a devotee, a hoper. What I think and what I actually can say are all dictated by the role I am performing at the time. The direction in which my opinions are influenced are based on what I allow to influence me. This is the case for all of us. Our actions demonstrate our beliefs. In this way, we have the choice of playing various roles regarding the people and opinions WE affect in our daily lives (and I'm sure we do this way more than we realise!). We are victims, but we can be perpetrators as well. We are opinion influencers, dictators, questioners, blind followers, or apathetic passivists. We do need to speak up, because there are injustices being done to us in various ways, whether by individuals or systems, because unfortunately, there is no true moral standard existing anymore - call it Kaliyug or whatever. That's what I love about the socio-technological phenomenon that is the blog - it can consist of the opinions of ordinary citizens on the things affecting their lives. sociologists, psychologists and anthropologists would go crazy studying this craze - literally! - that has united the world - the only condition being that you need the internet, not even your own computer! Is this a bringing together closer of the world into an online global village? Or by the proliferation of individual voices with varying shades of subjectivity, is it only serving to enhance differences at a micro level? I'm fascinated.

(Its ironic that I - who am the most technologically inept person I know - but can be an astute observer and nitpicker of human idiosyncrasies (though more often than not range from mildly amused/annoyed to disgusted by them) am actually online and writing this! Yay!)

So moving on - why aranyi? Well, Aranyi is the name of a early Vedic woodland Goddess (Rann-jungle). That means that she is among the Goddesses mentioned in the Rig Veda but lost her importance along with the other Gods prevalent at the time as the nature worshipping nomadic society settled down and the Trimurti began to gain importance. I identify with her on many levels - woman, nature, wild, free, uncontrolled, pristine, a law unto herself. (Call it my longing for some memory of an earlier, presumably purer age. I wish I had been able to experience the Satyuga, I really do). Aranyi is of course, different from Prithvi, who is the Hindu counterpart of Gaia, Earth. I am fascinated by the Indo-Aryan tradition, about that area of study which has found so many similarities in 'myths' between the European traditions and the Eastern, by the universal opposition of man and nature (purusha and prithvi in Hinduism). - well, all the languages in Eurasia are said to have descended from the Indo-European language family, making Sanskrit an older relation of the modern western european languages. I was fascinated by the language tree in our french textbook in FYJC!

Why Joya? It means 'gem' in Spanish. Besides the obvious phonetic similarity to the word joy, which is the state i try to be in all the time. I was also fascinated by the story of Akbar's 'navratnas' or nine gems, including my favourites and the most famous ones, Birbal and Tansen. Id love to be the light in the darkness for someone (or a whole lot of people!). Besides, its just such a pretty word!!!!! And princess? Because I am :D

Why the ripple in the water metaphor? Well, the visual imagery is that which you can see in any Hollywood monster movie like Jurassic Park etc. Where there is a loud ominous sound that creates a ripple in a puddle or pond that signals the arrival of the giant creature or the beginning of a race for dear life. When I was all depressed about the direction my life was taking, I would think to myself despondently before I went to bed that I was nothing but a tiny ripple of water, who would appear, only slightly disturb the mere surface of society for a moment, but was bound to disappear without causing any disturbance or creating any impact.And the thought was so depressing you cant imagine - being brought up to think that one is beautiful and special and talented, but at the end, just being threatened to become a mere statistic, not very special after all. I don't want to do that. I want to walk in glory with a beam of moonlight shining upon my every step, with my head held high, but with a smile for everyone who deserves it. Ever since I began to think of myself as a individual, somehow my mind has always pictured me alone. yeah, I went through my daydreaming boyfriend phase, but I've felt alone so much more than I've felt part of something. My dad always says "lonely are the brave" and ivy definitely developed that comfort with myself, that ability to manage abroad for 5 years alone, spaced out, naive and disorganised as I am. And I loved every moment of that aloneness abroad. I have now become used to doing things for myself, at my time, in my way. Returning to Mumbai, dealing with inefficient servants and repair people disturbs my peace. Not being able to get the food I want, or be able to walk about without feeling faint in the overbearing heat frustrates me.Having a schedule packed so tight that every minute is precious, and the delay of even hallf an hour, SERIOUSLY harrows me. Being so tired when I come home that I have no more than a few terse impatient words for my darling mother who loves me and misses me and wants to tell me about her day pains me. Especially when I would converse with her for hours on the phone when I was abroad. For the very events that I want to record, the little details, the gossip, the polite conversation small talk bullshit, seems very pointless to me. On a greater level, the fact of my parents' aging, especially after watching Maine Gandhi ko Nahin Maara, scares me. My loyalty to my family and the desire to love the work I do and make it the work I love makes me headachy. I have transformed into something I never in my wildest dreams fathomed I would be. I have begun rebelling against my own former ideas and beliefs. Call this blog a record of my transformation - I don't know. We shall see.
enjoy the ride; I am determined I will!

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So I went to Shemaroo lending library after years and borrowed two books: Jhumpa Lahiri's The Interpreter of Maladies and Wei Hui's Shanghai Baby. I'd been meaning to read those for years. I really do believe that books are fated to come to you - you have to be ready to read and absorb what they have to say; its a delicate thread that can link us to our destiny. Its also funny how I'm so willing to regard them as signs when I'm looking for answers at various points in my life! it strikes me that its true that 'seek and you shall find'. Most of the time the answer, or the fact is just under our nose, and we are unwilling or unable to face it! Anyway, reviews coming up as soon as I finish - I will try to give a just, objective critique that would make those English professors who despaired of my writing style proud!