Home Sweet Home

Im back - got back last night, and I cant begin to express my gratitude for the amazing day Ive had and the absolute contentment I feel with the familiar, even if its tense, occasionally tiresome, and routine. It has never felt so good hugging my mother in my life, feeling all warm when I saw her face light up into a big smile at the airport when she saw me at the exit (even though most of it is probably due to the fact that she will have one faily member to alleviate her loneliness as my dad and sister are both away). She made me feel right at home, from a pav bhaji dinner, to a chat late into the night, to sleeping in her bed (which is what one of us girls does when dad is away) to her annoying alarm clocks that burst into loud staticky rock music and assorted beeps and tinkles from 6am, to a fight and repeated insructions, to yes, even making me clean my cupboard! I then had a nap, during which the phone kept ringing, had sev puri, went for a movie - Woh lamhe, whose review will follow tomorrow - with her and her friend, a club for dinner, and then to my school friend Ruchi's for Taboo, which altered it course into timepass chatting, teen patti, mukut raja, and plans which may never materialise. Never has normalcy (though meeting my schoolfriends for a late night weekend is decidedly not normal) felt so amazing.

Never have I, even in college, realised the very precious role home - comprising mom dad sister and the complicated relationships and dynamics that emerge, even lazy, back-answering, sidey-joke-making, money demanding servants - plays in my life, in my sustenance of sanity and what I know now is contentment.

Which is not to say that my stay in New York was unsatisfying - it was amazing in many ways - my fiance and I discovered all these different restaurants, did all these fun activities, even just revelled in the company of each other across the table at his workplace - he on his computer - I on mine (well, his), got to talk through certain issues and discover more about each other - good, bad and that this is it. It was free and relaxing and surreal, with its galactical highs and subterranean lows, but I also got to know how its the little things in life that add up and seem overwhelming in both their differences and the relief they provide. But also that it doesnt matter in the long run because nothing does - even principles are products of social conditioning. So its a really question of ego and whose prevails and who overcomes it - and I want to thank my fiance for making me come to this realisation in his myriad ways. It seems very out of the blue but that's the wisest bit of advice Ill ever have to give - because Im thinking of the Gitasar and the concept that I'm at present just one of my millions of lives, and just one of the millions and billions of lives currently inhabiting this planet, and that makes me really nothing - though instrumental for the course of this life and the many lives my soul will probably live. So trying to be holistic.

But man, Gujarati food, the language, my mother's thought process, the interactions with other Bombay people, who, be they Gujarati or Maharashtrian, from town or from the suburbs, the sidiness of our jokes, the cosmopolitanness of our views, the company of people who know and love you and judge you on the basis of the lifelong acquaintance, through the intimate knowledge of your failings and successes and quirks in the right context, and not on the basis of a few polite words or a well-presented demeanour, knowing that their jokes dont hurt you, knowing that however painful the memories you may share, you have overcome them and have learnt to be gentle with yourselves and each other, these are the small mercies in our lives, the experiences we cherish, the strength that keeps us going.

My friend Jinal said once that home is where the heart is, but her heart was always with her so she was at home wherever she went. I was impressed by that and adopted that to a fair degree of success, till today I discovered that there will always be a little parking space for it in a shady green corner of Mumbai under a love that keeps flowering if only I remember to return and water it.