Movie anti-Review: Pride and Prejudice

For Jinal.... Awwww thanks!!!

I went in to watch this expecting a crap film and boy did this one exceed my expectations, and not in a good way!

Let me first tell you a little bit about my background in relation to this movie. We discovered the myriad delights of Jane Austen, particularly in Pride and Prejudice in the 8th standard, when an abridged version was our literature textbook for the year. Falling in love immediately, I borrowed the original, and struggled through it long enough to begin to grasp the delightful inimitable subtle wit that is so characteristic of Jane Austen. Then in std 9, March 1997, we forsook studyin for our final exams in order to watch the 2-hours-each episodes of the A&E BBC miniseries, with Jennifer Ehle andColin Firth and we were HOOKED. not to mention shivery and rapturous when Colin, who will ALWAYS be linked to Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy in our minds, emerged from the river in which he had been swimming like the ruffled gentry of our dreams!!!! OOohhhh!!!!!

THIS, therefore, is a pathetic excuse for an attempt at a story that doesn't even come CLOSE to the original. Both Sepia Mutiny and A. Lane have brilliant, sarcastic reviews on it, which are far more enjoyable than the movie itself, which, need i reiterate? - SUCKED!

In we went, bellies a bit sustained with Rajesh (or Tibbs) frankie and some Mcdonalds for additional smile value. We were treated to very vulgar and badly made scenes... cheesy sunrises, random cliffs, girls left to run about amok at various hours of day and night in a chaperoned era - what utter nonsense! The scene in which she and Darcy are dancing and suddenly in their exchange they are danicng alone! How sidey and unnecessary! How on earth can anyone compliment the terrible art direction that is reminiscent of the Titanic in style and cheese, and not nearly as sharp? OH MY GOD ITS BEEN NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR! for the soundtrack also! (Ok, i suppose that's pleasant and jolly in turns)

Argh I cant believe Keira Knightley has been nominated for an Oscar for the role of Elizabeth Bennet in this movie! Her boobs are like 29 AA, what on earth is she doing showing the lack of them in an Empire gown (HOW ARE THE CLOTHES NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR? - I think they seem desperate to showcase some period stuff)? Her wigs have been very badly managed, she is entirely too awkward and tomboyish to be playing the role of a genteel 21 year old girl. Those that found the supposely snapppy exchanges between Darcy and her witty or well-made OBVIOUSLY haven't read the original, or, alternatively it went above their heads. Anyway, Keira also has bad posture, sticks her large head out like an ostrich, and has this annoying habit of sticking her tongue between her rather large and prominent teeth, which drives me CRAZY! Where is the acting?

Ok, the other characters - Jane, played by Rosamund Pike, does not look kind or good, merely vacuous. They evidently chose the blondest person they could find, which for the West, throughout antiquity, has traditionally been directly proportionate to being considered good-looking. She tends to get a lazy eye when she is trying to look patiently forgiving. Bingley, is frankly, rather dufferish looking, NOT easygoing and goodnatured. Caroline Bingley doesn't look snotty, merely like a pouty stripper. Darcy, played by someone or the other, doesn't suit the role. He doesn't have the standoffish social distance and class that Colin Firth had, but does grow on you with his limpid blue eyes and endearing poorly-shielded sense of vulnerability. He's almost the only character I can forgive for deviating from my strongly guarded image of the story. Wickham, my friend found kinda cute, but he doesn't have this swashbuckling dash that the original has. But he is smooth and unfotunately, is cut short. Mr. Collins too, is just a joke, rather than horrid and presumptuous. Dame Judi Dench is utterly WASTED in this abbreviated role of Lady Catherine De Burgh. The hurried pace of the movie unfortunately does not allow her to exhibit her prowess in portrayed the foibles of her character. She's terrific... reminds me of Hima Devi *sniff*.

What else can I bitch about? OH YES - the most important - they cut out some of the most famous lines from the novel! The exchange about Darcy's noticing Elizabeth's bright brown eyes, the witty and brusque exchanges between them, the subtlety and class snobbery of the Bingleys towards the Bennets, the shock of the proposal, but the eventual leadup - trying to fit a juicy Austenian novel filled with the subtleties of look, touch and action into a 2 hour film is pathetic. The lead actors also lapse into their contemporary accents. The screenwriter actually thinks that by using a couple of over-3-syllable words he is adhering to the style of 18th century English!!! When the rest of the times, Bingley calls himself an ass and Charlotte Lucas yells at Elizabeth to not judge her! Hello, what dumbass audience are you catering to??? Not everything in the world needs to be so frickin in-your-face! What else do you expect from a director with the clumsy lumberjack name of Joe Wright?

Another thing, was just how disgusting the entire picture was. Like the set, the shots etc. Everything was so dirty - everyone looked so dirty (yes i know they hardly bathed then), but still! They are supposed to be gentle people, and the house is really small! There was no need for the crass shots of the pigs testicles! Everyone looked messy and unkempt. I actually liked Mrs Bennet. Mr. Bennet, played by Donald Sutherland, too, was okay I suppose.

I know many guys and girls think Keira is cute. I don't deny she has her tomboyish charm, but she's not classy and elegant. They didn't have to put an English character in the role for namesake. Emma Thompson, if she had not been so old, or Kate Winslet would have been far better.

Conclusion: This movie is a joke. And a heartbreaking one for true Austen fans. The only mainstream movies that have adapted Austen well are Emma starring Gwyneth Paltrow, and the modern version, Clueless. And of course, the BBC version.

BUT NOTHING BEATS HER BOOKS.