Sex And Our Cities

Suddenly sex seems to be all over our newspapers. Everyday for the past couple of days Ive read about celebrities talking about premarital sex, fantasies, AIDS, relationships, love (all of which they're probably doing with a sigh of relief that we're FINALLY become open to an issue that's been a reality FOREVER). This is mostly due to Mumbai Mirror's practically lifting relationship articles out of Western papers (I'm pretty sure, because sometimes they seem irrelevant to us. But sometimes these lifted articles are uncannily apt for the sexual and relational climate in urban India. Especially after one reads the bizarre questions addressed to the paper's sexpert, Dr. Mahinder Watsa. The level of ignorance, stereotypes, prejudice, irrational fear and superstition ingrained in our culture is simply mindboggling.

Of course, condoms have been advertised for a while, and vitality pills (remember Zaroor on those dubious Hindi cable channels as kids?) and Kama Sutra in the '80s and whatnot. Durex I remember being first advertised on MTV about a decade ago, which had a pretty explicit (vs erotic of the Kama Sutra variety) ad on air. Durex also conducts global sex surveys! (yes, we all knew this). First read about it on mr brown, who is indignant at being ranked low.

But I feel like the results have drastically changed from a few years ago. According to this article in Bombay Times, Indians lose their virginity at 19 (probably due to early marriage as they mentioned elsewhere in the paper), 46% are happy with their sex lives (it's funny how they stuck and exclamation mark after that stat! Was that surprising given our prudish attitude or cause for a celebration? - Probably due to our relative inexperience and low expectations - yes indeed, ignorance can be bliss). Indians have an average of 3 sex partners (lower the better in this case, given all tehse terrible health risks) 13% admit to one-night stands. I'm sure some guys would be secretly proud to admit a lot more. (Does visitng commercial sex workers count as this? My mom told me that lots of guys go to CSWs when they're as young as 15. GROSS. I just cannot abide a guy who has to pay to get some. It just denotes a skulky character for me, not to mention a lack of confidence and dishonourable intentions).

The good news is that Indians (47% of those surveyed), want sex education instituted in schools. That will be a welcome relief for all parents I'm sure, and notwithstanding the initial giggles and blushes of the sex-and-awareness-starved ignorami that consitutes our general youth populace, it will do wonders in helping them get the physical and mental protection they need in this day and age. I remember some girls giggling over the urino-reproductive system in school, and our teacher stated scornfully, (she had these fiery green eyes) that that was merely a sign of immaturity. I remember wanting to not be immature! Anyway it was a pretty disappointing topic and all the glands and hormones were pretty confusing.

But seriously, we were given NO sex education (I was in an all-girls school). 'Moral education' consisted of doing one's homework, helping one's parents and keeping one's room tiny. We had one fesity fascinating teacher who'd wax eloquent about her dogs and kids and girls' skirts flying in the air in the wind and boys going "Oooohhhh!!!" and how girls' bodies change and girls must never let boys touch them". The one video we saw in school was essentially a glorified and extended sanitary napkin advertisement with all these boring schoolgirls asking lame questions. Come on, by then half our class already had boyfriends man! I am so glad Brittanica came out with a series of 5 books on puberty. I borrowed it form my cousin and my mothe rnecouraged my reading it. She was spared annoying questions. With serious biological info collected from little pamphlets that came with papers or sanitary napkin packets, and a few love stories with bits of sex of the Judith Krantz variety (I still remember the book - it was Till We Meet Again), and we were ready to rock and roll (or eagerly anticipate our first kiss God knows how many years hence *blinks rapidly*).

Anyway, the equation seems to have changed since then, though the hypocrisy definitely still exists. It was really funny how in the same article above (it's not online for some reason), some filmi celebs were interviewed about virginity as a valid issue for marriage. While the guys (Vikram Bhatt, Milind Soman and someone else) had no qualms saying when they lost their virginity (so amazing na, how guys have nothing to lose!), Tanushree Dutta acted all coy and simply gave her opinion about how virginity shouldn't be an issue! (I wonder why they don't ask politicians and businessmen questions like this. Might reveal the layers of double standards that exist then, wouldn't it?!) Even on the last page, they were asking some crappy questions about the most exciting place to have sex in and Celina Jaitley was like "I would love to make love in XYZ place". So did a couple of other females, while the guys have already fulfilled their fantasy! Guys are evidently not sleeping with the air! (they could be lying, but that's another story).

So Mirror Buzz, this really pathetic magazine that has started coming with the Times of India - God knows why, because it talks about everything the dailies talk about, except with stupider articles like why South Mumbai guys fall for surburban girls and such inane crap. THIS week sees them featuring our celeb live-in couple, Adam Bedi and Nisha Harale (Adam because he's Kabir bedi's son and Nisha Harale cos she's his live-in girlfriend - they are like self-styled symbols for Mumbai's sexually-enlightened youth) commissioning "premier market research agency, IMRB International, to delve into the minds and bedrooms of Mumbai's urban young adults,..". Here are its more significant findings:

58% students have had sex. 13% between 15 and 18, and 31% if they are in the film industry.

21% download mms porn clips (ewww porn is gross and boring).

16% have had sex with partners who are not their partners.

33% of the women have had sex outside of the traditional bedroom arena.

79% of men and 41% of women masturbate (not what our older generation wants to hear!)

33% have never tried oral, anal, group, cyber, phone or bisexual sex. Then our Buzz scornfully asks "How staid does the City of Vice get?" Lose the comments, freak! You're a journalist!

25% men and 4% women have visited a commercial sex worker.

43% opine that dissatisfaction with their partner leads them to a CSW (wth? It has always seemed to me that CSW's have made fun of the pathetic men they get! So it's YOUR problem, kiddo!)

33% dont mind if their friend visits a CSW, which is the same number of people who would object.

60% feel this is the biggest cause of AIDS and STD's.

24% married women and 20% married men have tried swappin partners (? why the dicrepancy? Mom told me about the key club. That's just gross. Each man in the party is uglier than the other! May as well be satisfied with one's own husband then!)

50% non-marital cohabitation is better than marriage. Almost the same figure agree that marriage is like a live-in with a permit to have sex. (HUH? Like you wouldn't have sex in a live-in! And marriage confers you legal rights which women prefer... right?)

19% males and 28% businessmen visit a massage parlour. *Blinks*

31% city youth have issues marrying a non-virgin.

26% believe a woman should stay a virgin till she is married (I'm just speechless with disgust at the hypocrisy).

31% men are aroused by the design and style of lingerie. Women prefer colours.

26% like the smell of lavender and chocolate (of course!) and then musk.

34% have had multiple partners before marriage,

10% have had 9 or more.

20% have had sex with CSW's, internet friends (for the anonymity and never-likely-to-meet-in-the-course-of-normal-routine-factor) or tutors (TUTORS? LIKE OLD BEARDED TUITION TEACHERS? EWWWWW)

AHA... but this being India, where respect for women is the stuff of legends (not even in them, let me tell you), 37% women have been harassed, maximum students.

25% have been harassed by FRIENDS.. Felt that way? I have.

23% are willing to grant a sexual favour for the sake of their career, more so men than women! haha!

58% say they will speak out against sexual harassment if they see it. Easy to say...

49% feel Mumbai streets are safe while 24% disagree. Depends on area.

More than 25% think a condom should only be used with a new partner.

100% entertainment professionals practice safe sex, while only 41% businessmen do. DISGUSTING.

16% respondents consider oral sex dirty or harmful.

59% agree oral sex should not be forced on either partner (HELLO! THE REMAINING 41%! Are you listening?)

About 25% would break off a friendship if they found out the friend in question was gay.

While I believe this is closer to the real picture than most people would care to believe, I wonder what the sample comrpised of. There has to a particular class, occupation, lifestyle of people that has been interviewed.

I also really think that while sex needs to be discussed given the serious AIDS and STD issue here, the rampant ignorance of both sexes and sexual selfishness of some men, and the sincere desire of the relatively enlightened to want to bring sexual nirvana to the rest of the nation, that India is not quite ready for all this information that's being bombarded at the same time. We still have issues speaking about it, heck, even Badmash recognises it. It's like a by-product of weternisation, too much too soon, (if only we followed the British imperialist policy of too little, too late sometimes!) Sex is still too much of an enigma for the average conservative middle class youth, which has been bombarded with Khwaishein (whatever that movie was) and blatannt sexuality of the kind that is not even erotic or graceful. Women now are merely slutty and shiny. Hearing celebrities talk about it so much, rather than bringing education, only increases curiosity to a kinky level (which is a personal taste, fine), but without the respect and consideration for the other person that is so necessary. Talking about it, while it demarginalises poor guilty teenagers of masturbation, demystifies what was once the world's greatest mystery and greatest pleasure. We're simply the sheep following the pack like everyone else over again.

Who says that Western standards of sexual openness necessarily equates to greater respect for a partner or one's liberalness as a person? We're all still hypocrites about what we allow ourselves and what we expect of others in relation to ourselves.

We've forgotten that love truly is the binding force in every sexual relation, however adventurous or not it is (even if you argue that love is a chemical reaction, as I once did!). I once read somewhere that the difference between a one-night stand and a sex out of love is the different between bottled pre-squeezed orange juice and freshly squeezed - the first is easily available and predictable and chemical in taste, while the second takes time (for the peeling and squeezing), and effort and a mess, but it tastes all the sweeter for it!